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Instead, I do what I hate.

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This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. You have set your glory in the heavens. I decided to try and get patients at my treatment center to experience the presence of God like I had.

I handed them a piece of paper and took them through a visualization exercise like the one I had taken myself through. After five minutes were up, I asked them to write down any communication they received from God. To my amazement, most of them wrote something down. I will list them for you exactly as they were written down. I imagined all the sweet things, like ocean, beach, path, water, and flowers.

I was in touch with God--I was wearing white. I sat under a tree and was whole with God. He said nothing but His face was beautiful and He even wiggled His toes. Forgiveness was so much there. I went off with Him. I felt a warm comforting feeling growing within me. As the figure moved closer I could feel the contentment I want or need. As I was embraced, the glowing sensation assured me of love, and took away my insecurities, and left me with a feeling of what it means to feel alive.

I can still feel the feeling. I seriously tried to reach 'conscious contact' for the third time since I've been here.

How do you know God is speaking to you?

For the first time I felt something. I saw my Power as a bright and warm light. I asked for strength--thanked Him for the fact that I am alive and here. And that we all are alive and here. Felt, still feel a beautiful warm feeling inside my whole body! He sat by me then we got up and went for a walk on the beach and I asked Him questions. He asked me what I wanted most out of life.

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And I said, "money, to be secure. Yes, Yes I would, so He blended into me and I felt the best feeling ever. And then I walked on the beach alone feeling great.

God told me that I had to work with my wife, show her love, compassion, trust, talk to her, share with her, and hold her. He told me to pray for her. He didn't really talk to me much. He is going to help me in my sobriety.

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My wife and I are someday going to have wonderful, healthy children. I saw myself enter God and see myself, I didn't see me clearly, but I did hear God saying to me after I went back by the tree that He loves me, and that no matter what, He always has. God has chosen me to be His Son. I didn't know why.

While I was seeing through His eyes, I did see a young man that was very afraid, and lonely, and hurt, and didn't even want God to know how he felt. He had a hard time looking at God eye to eye, and he seemed closed off to the fact that God took the time to even come see him. He just could not believe that God would come and see him. As I was sitting against the tree, Jesus sat down across from me and smiled.

He spoke no words, but I heard Him in my head. He offered me love and peace--serenity. I felt His love and peace flow through me--all the while, He kept smiling. I saw Jesus and after we established eye contact He said these words: Bless you my son For the life you have been leading has been all but fun. Take those evil feelings that you've bestowed in your pocket. Position them to your side and release them like a rocket. It happened that there was a presence, not really anything visual. But I knew I wasn't alone. I was at peace and felt okay--safe.

There was a stare down at first but nothing happened. It was like He would not forgive me of all the things I have done wrong. Although I did want to make peace with Him He acted as if He didn't want to make peace with me. He walked up to me and said I have a wonderful family and to be strong and everything will be all right. Everything went as you said until I sat down and talked with God. Then God and I talked about my sins and how I need to live a good life. How to keep speaking to Him for the answers and forgiveness.

At first I was concentrating too hard. Towards the middle and beginning not much happened cause I tried too hard. There was a peaceful feeling; much like it is just before I sleep. I almost did fall asleep, and that seemed to let everything fall the to the wayside.

When I let go, it seemed like I was sort of looking into the future. The way I'm going to be when I have a sober mind, body, and spirit. I seemed so peaceful in thought, in action, and in words.

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  • I thought of some of my friends, who will be using still and was kind of filled with sorrow for them, because they could not experience the inner peace I felt. When I sat down, I was kind of scared. But then He started talking and He said He loved me. He is sorry that I was hurt but He wanted me to understand that it was a teaching.

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    He said that now I am beginning to let love in. He said that I would be loved. There was some bad perception in it. I was on the island at the palm trees and listening to the waves.

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    I heard a voice call my name from the forest. Curious but unafraid, I went. Went and saw God. He told me He was proud of me for coming back to Him. He tells me I have a lot of spirit inside me to give to others, to help others. He told me that He missed me, that my Grandma was doing a-okay! God sat down across from me and I cried. I felt the love and wholeness I've always wanted. No words were spoken yet. I just cried and His face was so loving and caring. I was surrounded by peace and His face showed me that. I kept crying and He said, "I love you My child.

    I love you. When I was on the island, I felt very peaceful as if nobody could hurt me. I didn't feel frightened when I saw God because I knew that He loved me.